One of the big things to do as a tourist in southern Thailand is to hire a long-tail boat to take you to scenic places – beaches, islands, snorkeling, jazzercise, whatever.  The reason it’s called a “long tail” is that the propulsion method is basically a large gasoline engine on a stick. Heck, we’ve put every other thing on a stick this trip, why not?

Despite spending the entire day on one, we didn’t get a single decent picture of said boat, so if you’re curious go check Wikipedia, I guess.

Where were WE going on this boat?  There are a number of scenic islands near Koh Yao Noi, and we booked a common tourist circuit leading through several of them in Phang Nga bay.  (Having NOT gone to visit the James Bond museum when we were in Interlaken, we decided to continue that trend by not going to “James Bond Island,” while in Thailand.)

We had booked this tour via GetYourGuide, so all we had to do was stand on the front steps of our hotel, and sure enough – a songthaew appeared and took us to a dock, where we were ushered onto our private long tail.  The driver obviously did this itinerary every day, so even though we didn’t speak any Thai and he didn’t speak much English, it was pretty clear what was supposed to be happening next at each step.

We get on the boat, dump our stuff in the cabin, and are directed to a two person couch on the front, where we could recline and watch the world go by as we bounced over the water to our first stop.

And it WAS a trifle bouncy.  The endless downpour of the previous two days had mercifully abated, but it was still grey and somewhat choppy.  Also, longtails are LOUD.  The driver could have busted into the Thai version of “O Solo Mio” (“หรือเพียงแค่ของฉัน,” according to Google Translate), and we probably wouldn’t have heard him.

The first and largest island of the tour was Hong Island.  We started by motoring into a beautiful secluded cove to look around.  It really was stunning.

And we can’t exactly complain about how many tourists there were – after all, we were part of the problem.  Honestly, it’s probably a lot worse during the high season when it hasn’t been raining for weeks.

Still, this particular cove REALLY felt like “It’s a Small World” – an endless parade of boats on a fixed route in, one circle around the lagoon, and out.  We still got our postcard shot, though, because of course we did.

From there, we swung around to the far side of the island, and disembarked onto a floating pier.  Because the island is technically part of a national park, there’s a park ranger at a folding table on the pier collecting your (quite nominal) entry fee.  We had an hour to spend on the island, so our choices were to hang out on the beach, go for a nature walk, or climb a billion stairs.

It’s us – of course we opted for the stairs.  At least we weren’t… optimistic?…  enough to try 460 metal stairs barefoot like some of the folks we watched.

And the view from the top was definitely worth it.

We climbed back down, made our way back to the boat, and headed north a short distance to (checks map, because I had no idea at the time where we where) Koh Lao Ka?  Maybe?  At any rate, it was apparently time for the “snorkeling” portion of our tour.

While Leigh had been snorkeling before, I never had.  I remember being a semi-competent swimmer in the distant past, but it had been a very long time.

More to the point, the ocean was a bit rough for swimming comfortably, and very rough for visibility.  We climbed into the ocean and I realized that I was EXTREMELY rusty to be handling even the light seas we were experiencing, but also that there really wasn’t anything much to see.  We did catch a glimpse of a single black and yellow striped fish, barely visible from two feet away.

I would very much like to try snorkeling again in better conditions, but as it was, I was exhausted, and probably swallowed more salt water than was strictly healthy.  At least there were no jellyfish.

Back on the boat, we were handed some fresh pineapple, and given my exhaustion at that point, it was probably the best pineapple I had ever eaten.

From there we puttered around a few more beautiful islands until we reached our lunch stop, Koh Phakibah.  This one I’m reasonably sure about, since you can recognize the beach in Google satellite view.

And a very nice beach it is, too.  The sun even came out for a bit while we ate our chicken fried rice and mango sticky rice.  We didn’t have the place to ourselves, but there were only a few other parties on the beach, and there was more than enough room for us to have our own little patch of sand.

There was one moment of entertainment, when a shriek from one of the other tourists indicated that she had not been expecting to have her lunch stolen by a monkey.  But that’s what happened.

Speaking of monkeys – after we finished our lunch, we climbed back aboard our longtail.  There was still plenty of pineapple left from our snack – after all, one pineapple is a LOT of pineapple for two people to eat at one go.  But our driver had a purpose for this pineapple.  A vision, if you will.

And that vision was “why not chuck this pineapple at a bunch of monkeys?”

The monkeys were clearly used to this, as they swam out to meet the longtail, and we hurled fruit at them while trying not to drop our phones in the ocean.

The location of this monkey fest was Koh Ka Mit island, FWIW.

From there, we were treated to some more spectacular geology at Koh Cha Bang, and Koh Han Tu.

And with that, it was time to head back.  The official tour description was for slightly longer, and listed another island, but we definitely feel like we got our money’s worth.  The one thing that would have really improved the tour was better weather, and we couldn’t figure out the right app to use to order that.

Back on the island, it was early afternoon, and mercifully not raining, so we decided to do some more exploration.

I picked up a bag of crispy crepes, and despite being fully aware that it was probably a bad idea, ate the entire thing in one go. (Turned out this was not in any way a bad idea.)

We walked up to a park on the northwest shore of the island, and had a lovely view from this pier.

And were then followed around by an ever growing swarm of cats that started cute, but ended somewhat alarming.

From there we wandered over to the main drag and explored a bit.  There were a number of street food vendors, a few coffee shops, and a 7-11, because of course there was.

For dinner, we took another songthaew to get to a family run restaurant not too far from where we had been the night before.  This time it was a Panang curry and a beef stir fry.

All in all, a very nice day.

One of the reasons you come to the south of Thailand is to experience the islands.  There are a wide range of possibilities, from party havens covered in a three deep carpet of Instagrammers, to more peaceful islands with a higher proportion of locals.

We opted for one of the latter, or at least as peaceful as you could get within an hour’s boat ride of Phuket and Ao Nang. (More on Ao Nang itself later)

After experiencing more or less continuous rain the previous day, we were not happy to discover that the downpour in Krabi was still ongoing.

However, after a twenty minute Grab ride, we arrived at our departure pier for the ferry to our island to discover that while gloomy, it was at least no longer pouring. And the beach by the ferry terminal was lovely.

The ferry terminal itself was absolutely bonkers.

Fortunately, they had “getting confused tourists onto the correct boat” down to a science. Everyone was herded quickly and efficiently to the correct boat operator, and from there onto the correct boat with their luggage.  They also put stickers on everyone so the boat drivers would know where to throw us off.

And in our case that was Koh Yao Noi, which means “Little Long Island.”  (You’ll never guess what the nearby Koh Yao Yai means.) We had read that it was a quieter island perfect for folks like us who want to experience southern Thailand, with its different food culture and lifestyle, but don’t have time to get truly remote.

This still felt pretty remote.  We were picked up by our first songthaew of the trip, but definitely not the last.  A songthaew is a pickup truck which, by virtue of covering the bed and putting in seats, has been converted to a taxi.

Not super common in Bangkok that we observed, they were everywhere in the South and around Chiang Mai.

Our hotel was a nice quiet assortment of huts around a central pond, not too far from the port.

This was our room:

And here are some cuddly friends we made around the grounds:

To be fair, that second pile of NOPE was not in our room, which was entirely cuddly friend free for the duration of our stay. (The monitor lizard was ALSO not in our room, but that probably goes without saying.)

Now settled, we set out for a walk to explore the island and find some lunch.  Definitely a quiet, rural vibe.

…aaand then it started pouring rain again.  We took refuge on the terrace of a local restaurant, and set out to discover if southern Thai food would wow us as much as what we had in Bangkok.

We needn’t have worried.

That would be stir fried squid in black sauce made with squid ink, and crabs in lime sauce.  Absolutely heavenly, and being able to watch the rain on the water while we ate was much better than slogging around in it.

Given that, we asked the restaurant to call us another songthaew, and we went back to our room, where we spent the next five hours or so cursing the rain and wishing the hotel wifi hadn’t gone out, so we’d have at least had THAT going for us.

Still – the fact that this remote island in Phang Nga bay normally has internet is obviously a different story than travelling when we were younger would have told, so not TOO much to complain about.

Dinner time rolled around, and we had the hotel call us our third songthaew of the day so we could go visit another local restaurant.

Massaman fish curry, and spicy sour deep fried seafood over noodles.  What’s not to love?

One truly entertaining thing did happen during this meal.  The restaurant was, like basically every restaurant on Koh Yao that we observed, an open air patio.  We were relatively close to the road, but it was dark, so we were essentially in a little island of light, next to a dark road, with dark trees across the street.

At one point, the owner comes out of the kitchen and walks up to the hostess, to whom he hands a large knife and points out into the darkness.  The hostess takes the knife, and sets out, walking across the road, out of our little oasis of cheer, and into the blackness out of sight.

With a knife.

We have no idea what this is about – is she going off to harvest a pineapple?  Slaughter a chicken? Have a dance fight to the lilting guitar stylings of Eddie Van Halen?

A few minutes later she reappears with a banana leaf.

Welp, mystery solved.  We finished eating and took a taxi back to our hotel to begin praying for better weather on the morrow.

After four days in Thailand, it was time to move on to our next destination.  We wanted to spend some time in the southern part of the country, and had originally booked a few days on the island of Koh Samui.

Then we realized that Koh Samui’s monsoon season runs a month later than the rest of the country, so we changed our plans and rebooked to the other side of the isthmus, where it was much less likely to be raining.

We caught an early Grab to the Bangkok airport, and then a plane to the city of Krabi, where…

…it was absolutely pouring rain, and would be for the next two days straight.  Also there’s gorillas wearing human clothes on the traffic lights for some reason. (Only at this intersection, to be sure.)

So we went looking for something to do in Krabi in the rain, and ended up at a museum of beads.

The bead exhibit was interesting, and probably killed half an hour.  There was also art on display by some local artists.

Also a dinosaur wearing a hat.

I sort of wonder if it’s friends with the gorillas.

From there, we squelched back into town and had our first pad Thai of the trip at a food stall in the local market.  Forgot to take a picture of it though.  That’s OK, because not only would this not be our last pad Thai of the trip, it wouldn’t even be our last one that day.

Upon returning to our room, we started searching for other things to do of an evening in Krabi when the heavens have opened up, and we decided to book a cooking class.  Now, we already had a cooking class scheduled for later in the trip, which we’ll get to in due course, but that one was focused on specifically northern Thai food, and was unlikely to have much overlap with the sort of class that you can book the day of.

I don’t want to knock this class too much – it was cheap and cheerful, we met some nice folks, and we made some Pad Thai.  What’s not to like?

We each made a curry, a stir fry, a noodle dish, and an appetizer all of which were quite tasty.  The host clearly does this exact script three times a day, eight days a week, and had it absolutely down pat… until someone asked a question not on his script.  He also had an unfortunate habit of referring to mushroom powder as “happy powder.”

The food was delicious, but it all felt very Disneyland.  Also, although the class was supposed to include transport, they called us in advance to let us know that due to traffic and the weather, we should just get a taxi and they would reimburse us.  Except once we got there, no one actually AT the class could follow what we were saying when we asked about the reimbursement.  So that was a bit weird.

Still, delicious Thai food, and it beat the hell out of sitting in our room listening to the rain. After getting back to our hotel, we put on our raincoats and headed out to check out the night market.  We didn’t remember to take any pictures of the night market, but it was bright and cheerful and smelled amazing.

We DID take a picture of this crab statue, which was very dramatic in the spotlights.

In preparation for this trip, we watched a whole lot of videos.  In addition to the aforementioned Cal, we also watched videos from someone named “Bangkok Jack,” an Austrian-Thai dual citizen living in Chiang Mai, Mark Wiens, and whatever else we could filter out of the influencer drivel and AI slop.

One of our favorites, recommended to us by the folks at Chinese Cooking Demystified (great channel, check it out) is a channel called OTR Food and History, which is based in Bangkok, and does long-form videos about… well, guess.

One of the most intriguing videos from them that we watched was on Koh Kret, a small island about 30 km up the river from Bangkok. It was settled by Mon refugees from Myanmar and then cut off from the mainland for a long time, leading to a fascinating hybrid culture that has some dishes not readily available anywhere else in Thailand.

We planned to visit the island’s markets to try local street food, look at pottery shops, maybe walk a circuit of the island, and then in the evening we had reservations at a restaurant on the far side that is only reachable by boat, even from elsewhere on Koh Kret.

Spoiler: We only did some of that.

The route up there from our hotel in Chinatown is a bit convoluted.  First we walked down to the ferry, and snapped a few pictures of amazing street art on the way.

These were all on Song Wat Road, a funky little street by the river in Chinatown that we really liked.

From there, we boarded a ferry to take us as far up the river as we could go by boat.

We noticed that the river seemed to be very high – the ferry was slowing down dramatically as it came up to bridges, and was very carefully passing under the very center of the arches, with inches to spare.  This turned out to be an unfortunate foreshadowing of what we would find on Koh Kret.

But first we had to GET to Koh Kret.  After forty minutes or so on the ferry, we reached the northern terminus of the line, which turned out to be right next to the prison where foreign detainees are usually kept.  The things you learn from geocache descriptions.

However, not wanting to change our accommodation plans, we opted instead to take a Grab (the Thai equivalent of Lyft) another ten minutes north to the point on the riverbank opposite Koh Kret, where you could catch a ferry to the island.

That small tower, or stupa, isn’t supposed to be leaning like that, but it’s been doing it since 1891, so that’s not particularly new.  However, notice the water level – that WAS new, and as it turns out, quite bad.

When we got across the river we found that major parts of the island were flooded.  We didn’t take many pictures, because that would feel exploitative, but the waterside markets which mark the route away from the dock in both directions were knee-deep.

We were able to wander about the temple grounds, which were just high enough to be OK.

There was a dry elevated walking path into the interior of the island, but we only walked down it a little ways – clearly no one on the island was going to be happy to see us gawping at their unfortunate situation.

So instead we walked back to the ferry dock, where there were still a few enterprising vendors set up to sell food. (And weirdly, the coffee shop in the temple was still open.)

This was an absolutely delicious boat noodle, which we forgot to actually photograph before we had eaten most of it.  This will be a running theme going forward.

As mentioned, our dinner reservations were on Koh Kret as well.  The restaurant we had booked is ONLY accessible by boat, even from on the island, and we had a water taxi coming at five to take us around.  However, there didn’t seem to be much point in hanging out.  So we cancelled our taxi (we’d pick up the local ferry by the restaurant instead), returned to the mainland, and went looking for something to do.

The Thai board game store was interesting, but since they didn’t have any demo games to play, that didn’t kill much time.

Which is how we ended up at the cat cafe.

The board game store and the 30 degree weather gave us the idea that it might be nice to find a cafe with board games we COULD play and maybe just cool off for a while.  Google Maps came up with “KuppuGamu.” Pretty sure that’s not Thai.  Maybe it’s what Thai people think Japanese sounds like in English?

At any rate, the Grab took us down several different secondary roads to a gated housing community.  Then INSIDE the community, where the driver had to tell the guard where we were going.  Then down several more suburban streets to what gave every appearance of being just an actual house on a suburban cul de sac.

I can’t show you a street view shot, of course, because I guarantee that car has never made it back here.

Which meant the folks in this cafe were QUITE surprised by a pair of random Canadian tourists on their doorstep. This place is NOT generally on the tuktuk tours.

But they were super nice, and after we purchased some yuzu sodas to meet the cover charge, we had a lovely time hanging out with the cats and playing Marvel Splendor. (Which, surprisingly, does actually seem to be a slight improvement on the original.)

After an hour or so, it was time to call another Grab and catch our ferry over to Rorsor127, the fine dining restaurant featured in the OTR video at the start of the post.

I have no idea what I’m doing in this picture.  I probably didn’t have any idea what I was doing at the time, either.

Rorsor127 is an amazing restaurant.  A former vacation home for a prince, it features Royal Thai cuisine, which is a quite distinct category from the street food we’d been stuffing ourselves with.  We had a prix fixe meal consisting of 4 appetizers, 5 shared mains, and a dessert.

But not before enjoying drinks and a sunset.

And now on to the food. First up, an amuse-bouche.  Sadly, we don’t actually remember what it was, but it was definitely delicious.  We’ll just take as read that everything was amazing from this point.

Eggplant Thai salad on crispy rice sheet with fried red ant eggs:

Western-style fried truffle and crab meat croquette.  This one came under a bell jar full of smoke, which was neat.

Steamed rice mixed with chili paste served with Thai garnishes:

Thai rice noodles with sweet and sour curry.  (Mom’s secret recipe!) (The chef’s mom, not MY mom.)

And for the shared dishes – tamarind chili pork paste served with Thai omlet, ku-lao fish, and vegetables, garden cassia curry with pork, gang run juan spicy shrimp paste soup (beef for Leigh, pork for me), stir fried green curry paste with Chai Nat featherback fish balls, stuffed with Chaiya salted egg yolks, and stir-fried shrimp with seasonal vegetables topped with crispy pork cracklings and fried garlic.

Envy us.  This meal was un-fing-believable.

Oh, and candle-smoked coconut milk over Thai jelly for dessert.

Throughout this absolutely stunning meal (which, to be clear, was being served to a total of ten guests, that being close to max capacity for this restaurant) we were chatted with by both the owners and the chef, who kept coming out to tell us about the food and generally make us feel welcomed.

This is an experience we will definitely keep with us for a long time.

And from there, boat to Grab back to the hotel, and time to pack up to move on to our next stop in Thailand!

OK, right up front, if you are planning a trip to Bangkok, do not pass Go, do not collect 200 Baht, do not EVER play Monopoly (it’s a TERRIBLE game, seriously. In this dissertation, I shall…). Just immediately go to Chili Paste tours and book their “Old Bangkok Food and Culture Walk.”

I would say just trust me, but we can do better than that.  Buckle up. But not literally, because tuktuks don’t have seatbelts.

Chin, our guide, picked us up from our hotel promptly at 9 AM. We had a tuktuk driver with us for the entire day, who would go off and park when we set out on foot, and then rejoin us when it was time to shuttle to another part of the city.  For the record, Bangkok traffic is terrifying, especially in a tiny vehicle with no doors or windows. But also kinda thrilling.

We started the day by walking down a narrow alley to get to a different, narrower alley to discover a home with a small cart outside the door and about six people gathered around inside making dim sum. Or rather just one kind of dim sum – pork shu mai.  Apparently, they make thousands of these things every day, and then granddad goes out and sells them until they are gone.  Which doesn’t take long, because they are amazing.

This was off to a hell of a start.  What next? Coffee?  Sure, I love coffee.  Leigh, on the other hand, opted for an iced tea, which turned out to be a Thai iced tea that came in a bag.

How about visiting a shop where they make Chinese sausage?

We got to taste the sausage, as well as go inside and watch some of the sausage being made, too.  I don’t know what everyone complains about – it was fine.

Oh look – a big vat of chicken feet!

Time for some flaky pastries?  Sure!

Or perhaps some noodle wonton soup, with sausage and crabmeat!

Oh look – deep fried sprats and chicken skin – here, take a bag of each!

If this post seems a little short on words and description it’s because I’m trying to convey the sheer overwhelming PACE of this tour.  At this point, we were still entirely on foot from our starting point.

It was becoming clear that while Chin definitely had some fixed stops she did every tour, there was also a GREAT deal of improvisation going on.  (“ADHD” would possibly not also be an inapt description, but in the best and most delicious possible way.)  We’d be walking down the street, or through a market, and she’d stop and go “Oh hey!  Look at this – this is delicious, you should try it!” And suddenly, we were.

We’ve been on food tours before (for example, in Prague) where there were a number of carefully curated stops, and each shop had been alerted to expect us and had a specific sample platter ready to go. And don’t get me wrong – those are great!  But this was NOT that.  While many of the merchants knew Chin, not all of them appeared to, and there’s no way the random careening from food to food was an entirely preplanned itinerary.

It was amazing. It also meant that as the day went on, we slowly accumulated a bag full of snacks we had no hope of eating in our one remaining day in Bangkok with access to a refrigerator.

Also – just to be clear.  All of the pictures (and eating) so far took place in under an hour.

At this point, we boarded the tuktuk and made our way to a heavily Vietnamese area north of the palace where it was time for lunch.  Well, I mean, we had to have a snack first to get ready.

Sweetened beef floss.  Delicious.  Everything was delicious.  But now it was time for lunch.

Which turned out to be a whole-ass Vietnamese FEAST.

At this point we could have been done with the tour, and it would already have been an amazing day.  But this is a day-long tour.  We were only half finished.  However, perhaps bowing to biological necessity, Chin took us to a nearby monastery complex for a bit of the “culture” part of the food and culture tour.

Interestingly, the murals in this particular temple were done in a much more Western style than was typical at many of the places we visited.  We also wandered through the lovely peaceful grounds of the adjacent residential complex, the relaxing calm broken only by the shrieks from the school playground across the street and the constant roar of construction equipment and motorcycle engines.

Leigh had asked if Chin knew of anyone making or selling silver jewelry, so at this point we made a stop at a charming little shop where she bought a few pairs of earrings. (Note from Leigh: I was not intending for this to become part of the food tour — I just thought she might provide a recommendation that we could follow up on later! At this point, though, we were happy to have the break from eating.)

But enough of this calm.  Back to the food!

How about some daifuku?

A nice bowl of offal soup?

How about some pineapple on a stick? (And by “some”, I mean “what appeared to be an entire damn pineapple chopped up and thrust into our hands.)

Some sort of sausage wrapped in a leaf with palm sugar? Why not?

At this point we were wandering around a market area, and we took a quick break to visit the Buddhist shrine inside the market. (After being handed a coconut cake for later, of course.)

We didn’t get any great pictures of the shrine itself, but this is the hallway underneath.

Stop!

Smoothie time!

We were first handed a tiny green fruit to try.

This is a bilimibi fruit.  It can be eaten out of hand, and is sour and delicious by itself.  But, and hear me out, what if you blended it with fingerroot (sort of like ginger but different), passion fruit, pineapple, and roselle?

You get literally the best smoothie I have ever had in my life, that’s what.

Holy crap.  I will have DREAMS about this smoothie.

We continued to drink this as we were ushered around the corner to a fruit stand where we were issued not one, but TWO coconuts.  You know, so we could compare them.

Additionally, it was one old coconut and one young coconut, so we were prepared to perform any sort of coconut exorcism that might end up being required.

Back in the tuktuk, and off to the south side of town to visit a small shopping mall.  This served a number of purposes – it let Leigh look around a few more jewelry shops (although the private one earlier was definitely more interesting), it let us spend a little time in the AC, and it gave us another small break from stuffing ourselves.  We still wandered around and LOOKED at food, however, and the “oh look at this!” “oh look at this” “oh look at this!” was still on full display.

But soon enough, it was time to resume eating!

How about a squid on a stick?

Choux pastry swan?

Banana roti?  (We somehow managed to have BOTH of us forget to take a picture of this one, but trust me, it was also delicious.  EVERYTHING was delicious.)

Flower market?

Wait – flower market?  You can’t eat that.

It was still fascinating, however – all of the floral offerings we had observed being presented at the various temples we had wandered through in the previous two days were clearly being prepared here or somewhere like it.

The day was getting late, but we still had a few more stops.  The tuktuk made its way to a Michelin recognized store famous for its mango sticky rice.  We were handed a portion of that for later, but also an entire mango.  “These are special mangos – they don’t normally sell them separately.”

So we ate a mango.  It was a lifetime top three mango, for sure.  Pity we also forgot to photograph it.  We were getting tired at this point.  One last stop in store, however.

We returned to our starting point in Chinatown, and made our way to…

…oh, look! Peking Duck! You should have some of this…

…made our way to a tea shop that we had passed earlier, but hadn’t been open at the time.  And we sat down to a fairly intense tea tasting, with a complicated, multi-step process of washing, pouring, rinsing, brewing, and pouring again, for each of the five or so teas we sampled.

And with that, the food tour came to its conclusion at 5 pm.  What an amazing day.

Oh, and here’s the haul of what we had in the bag by the end of it:

More or less clockwise from upper left, a bag of pineapple oolong loose leaf tea, some crunchy fried fish, chicken skin, beef floss, some crispy crepes (I know we picked those up at some point, but damned if I remember when, even though we’d clearly already eaten half of them [Note from Leigh: I’m pretty sure these were handed to us while we were at the flower market]), one of the little green bilimbi fruits, a coconut cake, some sausage, two pastry swans, a box of Peking duck wraps, and a portion of Michelin-recommended mango sticky rice.

Whew. That list would make the world’s weirdest rendition of “The Twelve Days of Christmas.”

What else to do after a day like that but go out for cocktails?

Holy hell, what a day.

In addition to eating absolutely everything we possibly could, we also did have every intention of seeing some actual, you know, sights in Bangkok.  Our plan for day two was to visit the big three historical sights in the city: the Grand Palace, and the temples of Wat Phra Chetuphon Wimon Mangkhalaram Rajwaramahawihan, (of course I cut and pasted that, what did you think?) or “Wat Pho” for short, and Wat Arun.

We’ll talk about each of those in turn, but first let’s talk about breakfast.

In our research for the trip, I had found some rhapsodic descriptions of a pork leg rice street food seller who was, in theory, located right outside our hotel.  But it turns out they weren’t.  So we went looking for them.  Pretty sure we didn’t find them, but who cares?  We found pork leg rice, and it was amazing.

Also, this was approximately 3 bucks Canadian.  I will stop commenting on this fact, probably, but just to be clear – food was insanely cheap throughout the trip, even at the high end.

Thus fortified, we headed for the Grand Palace.  En route, we were delighted to encounter our first scammer.  “Look honey!  A grifter!  Just like in the videos!”  Specifically, this was a nice woman in a polo shirt who looked like a tourist assistance person who came up to us while we were checking our map, and asked us where we were headed.

When we told her the Grand Palace, she told us that the queen mother had passed away (which was true) and that as a result, the palace would be opening late. (which was not)  She suggested that we take a tuk tuk over to the south side of the river and tour the temples there.  And wouldn’t you know it, at just that moment, a random tuk tuk just happened to pull up and ask if we wanted a ride?

We did not, having been warned about this exact scam by an incredibly Canadian Bangkok YouTuber named “Cal.” (Thanks Cal!  Your videos were awesome, and a great help in many ways.)

So we thanked her politely and moved on to the very much open Grand Palace.

A word about the queen mother, though – she passed away about a month before we arrived, but because the royal family occupy a quasi-divine mythology in Thailand, we were just at the start of a year of official mourning.  There was black and white bunting and photos of her EVERYWHERE.

This included just about every temple we visited, which was definitely a contrast to the church-state separation we are accustomed to in the west.

The tour of the Grand Palace consists of two main areas – the temple of the Emerald Buddha, and the palace itself.  Most of the palace was indeed closed due to official mourning, but we were able to explore the temple.

It’s hard to describe, even with pictures, the maximalist aesthetic on display here.  This was a common theme of the whole trip, particularly in the temple-rich environs of Chiang Mai, but unsurprisingly, the complex attached to the royal palace is at the top of this particular heap.  Just a few of our MANY photos:

The one thing we CAN’T show you is a photo of the Emerald Buddha itself, since this was one of the very few temples that didn’t allow photography.

From the temple, we proceeded through to the Grand Palace, but we only got a look at the outside, because mourners.

Many, many mourners.  Mass mourners mobilizing for monarchal mother’s memorial.

Ahem.  Sorry.  But the upshot was that the royal palace and the various museums associated with it were closed.  So after having our picture taken by an ACTUAL tourist support person (It FELT disrespectful, but it was their idea, and all the Thai mourners were also taking selfies) we moved on to our next stop.

The next stop was Wat Pho, a large temple complex just south of the palace featuring a very, very large reclining Buddha.

At this point I turned to Leigh and whispered “I like big Buddhas and I cannot lie.”  Then I tripped over something and stubbed my toe, so I should probably be more respectful.

And to be clear, the building housing this enormous statue is just one small part of the larger temple complex.

The second picture shows three of the four Chedi dedicated to the first four kings of the Rama dynasty, of which the current king is Rama the tenth.

At this point, we were absolutely overwhelmed, and also it was time for lunch.  Wanting to get away from the absolute tourist black hole that is the area around the palace and Wat Pho, we took a ferry up river a few stops to a smaller local market area called Wang Lang, which Google Maps helpfully describes as “A large open air market with many snacks.”

It certainly was. Sadly, we completely failed to take a PICTURE of our actual lunch (two different delicious curries). We did get a blurry photo of a pandan cake that we had for dessert, but I won’t trouble you with it here.

Because we then walked to the far more photogenic THIRD of the big three sights in downtown Bangkok, the temple of Wat Arun.  The walk wasn’t dangerous or anything, but it also wasn’t very INTERESTING.  It was along a light industrial street with a naval yard on one side, so not much to see.  Probably not on many tourist routes.

The temple itself, however?

Definitely on the tourist routes.  Wat Arun, which literally means “Temple of Dawn”, is one of the iconic sites of Bangkok, and is prominently situated at a bend in the river so as to be visible for a long way  both up and downstream.

It’s absolutely stunning.

It is also absolutely infested with Instagrammers.

We were tired at this point, it was hot, and we had walked a long way.  So we basically just parked at a balcony and watched life’s rich pageant for a while.  Life’s rich pageant consisted of many, many people in rented Thai dress, frequently accompanied by rented Thai photographers, taking just that absolutely perfect shot for the ‘gram, artfully ignoring the absolute staggering wonder of Thai architecture that they were standing right next to.

I know, I know…

It really was stupendous, though.

At any rate, after a nice long rest at this gorgeous temple, we made our way back across the river to explore a bit more of Chinatown.  We walked through a number of absolutely TINY market streets that you would assume were just too small and full of people to accommodate motorcycles.  But you would be wrong.

By this point we were getting tired and hungry. So we decamped to a rooftop bar for our first serving of Pad Thai of the trip, along with some pomelo salad and cocktails.  But also this view.

From here, we made our way back to Yaowarat road and really took in the absolute madness that is one of the great street food areas of the world at night.  Faced with an overwhelming number of options, we opted for some nice coconut ice cream, and called it a night.

But we really had no idea what an overwhelming variety of food could look like.  Not yet.

(Is that good foreshadowing?  It’s supposed to be foreshadowing.)

On our first day in Bangkok, we woke up eager to get out, see the sites, and begin our quest to cram as much food into our faces over the next two weeks as possible.  We were staying in Chinatown, which had been described to us as absolutely the best place to stay to try as many different kinds of food as possible.

This is Yaowarat Road, one of the most famous street food areas in the world.  It was two blocks from our hotel.  The better view is at night, but we’ll get to that.  But first – where to start?

How about a restaurant famous for it’s rice roll noodles and crispy pork belly?  Sounds great!

While it is certainly possible to get a traditional Western breakfast in Bangkok, we discovered that it seems just as common for locals to sit down and eat a portion of the same thing they might have for lunch or dinner.  And when THIS is on offer, why wouldn’t you?  This was spectacular, and we were worried that we might have peaked too early.  (Spoiler: we did not)

We spent another few hours bonking around Chinatown looking at cute art galleries and painted elephants:

We also consumed, according to my notes, a Hong Kong style coffee / tea hybrid drink, a glass of langan juice, and a chocolate Madeline.

We didn’t have a FORMAL plan for the first day other than eat, wander around, eat, attempt to recover from jet lag, and maybe eat a bit, so we decided to hop on the subway (no durian allowed) and head over to a nearby park where we heard there were monitor lizards to be seen.

On arrival at the park, we were confronted with what turned out to be a bridge commemorating the deep, historical friendship between Thailand and… (checks notes) Belgium? Sure, why not – it didn’t NOT look like the bridges I saw in Belgium this summer. (Turns out there were a LOT of friendship monuments in this park for various random countries.)

Also lizards.

After this we hopped on the elevated train to go look for a nearby (missing, as it turns out) geocache. But all this “doing things that are not eating” had helped us work up an appetite.  We had heard that shopping mall food courts could be surprisingly worthwhile in Bangkok, and since we were immediately adjacent to a large shopping mall, we decided to give it a shot.

Friends, I have never seen so many “Michelin Recommended” symbols in one room. Here’s some crab fried rice from one of them.

For the rest of the day, we just sort of bopped around the city.  We went to the tallest building in Bangkok, thinking we’d check out the sky deck, but were given pause by how expensive tickets were.  We’d been eating world class food for pennies – it was a bit jarring to be asked for approximately forty dollars Canadian to ride an elevator.

So instead we just kept walking around.

We sat in a lovely Indian inspired temple watching people come in to make offerings after work, and then we sat in a coffee shop surrounded by lavishly presented Marvel memorabilia.

We wandered down to another cache hidden in front of a massage parlor, but the women hanging out in front were all happy to point it out to us, as soon as it became clear that’s what we were doing.

By dinner time, we were basically getting delirious with jet lag, so rather than cope with anything too complicated at that point, we decamped to another mall for papaya salad and mango sticky rice.  I say “another mall”, but Icon Siam is sort of next level, as it turns out.

After dinner we grabbed a ferry back across the river and walked back to our hotel, pausing only to first, marvel at whatever the hell THIS is:

And second, snap another photo of Yarowat Road.  Looks a little different at night, doesn’t it?

Thailand was off to a good start.